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June 2, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, in an interview with ‘Vanity Fair,’ Bruce Jenner revealed that she will live the rest of her life as Caitlyn Jenner. How do you pick that name and not use a ‘K’? Do you not realize how...
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June 5, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to sources, Jeb Bush will announce his bid for the Republican presidential nomination on June 15 in Miami. So now, once again, John Travolta’s sexuality is the world’s worst kept secret....
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June 10, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new survey, half of the apartment complexes in close range to two Texas Universities offer free, on-site, indoor tanning beds. When tanning expert Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi was asked...
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June 23, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. President Obama made news over the weekend by using the n-word in a podcast while discussing race. Marking the first time FoxNews has ever supported Obama. 2. Over the weekend, a pregnant Kim...
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July 10, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. In an interview on Wednesday, Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush said Americans “need to work longer hours.” This coming from a guy who hasn’t held a job since 2007. 2. Last week, the White...
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September 28, 2015 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Thursday night, a woman gave birth to a baby girl at Petco Field in San Diego during a Padres baseball game. Giving a new, graphic meaning to the phrase “seventh inning stretch.” 2. Donald Trump...
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February 29, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new survey, more young voters would rather have a meal with Bernie Sanders than Beyonce. So, hope you like herring with a side of schmaltz, kids. 2. On Friday, former-Mexican...
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April 12, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new book, Kris Jenner spent years begging Bruce, now Caitlyn, Jenner to pray away his desire for a sex change. Proving, much like the Kardashians themselves, pray doesn’t work. 2....
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April 29, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. While giving a speech in the Indiana gym made famous by the movie “Hoosiers,” Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz incorrectly referred to the basketball hoop as a ‘basketball ring.’ Because,...
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May 31, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. 107-year-old Virginia McLaurin, who got invited to the White House last year, attended her first Major League Baseball game last week. They made sure to buy her some crackerjacks because they’re...
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July 13, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich said, if he were asked by Donald Trump to be his running mate it would not be am automatic yes. Presumably because he’d have to finish chewing the hoagie in...
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August 26, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. It was announced yesterday that swimmer Ryan Lochte will be joining the cast of the upcoming season of “Dancing with the Stars.” So let me be the first to congratulate the winner of the next season...
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December 1, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. The committee raising money for President-elect Donald Trump’s inaugural festivities is offering Trump supporters a candlelit dinner with the President-elect for a $1 million donation. Or, if you...
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January 18, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, Russian President Vladimir Putin said those who spread fake news about President-elect Donald Trump are “worse than prostitutes.” I agree, those people are terrible, I bet they wouldn’t...
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April 12, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. The customer in Florida who bought a salad at a local Walmart that contained a decomposed bat actually ate some of the salad before discovering the bat. So now he’s scared of bats and salads which...
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April 24, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. A Washington woman born with two vaginas is now pregnant. And I’m guessing her OBGYN is Monty Hall: 2. According to a new poll, a record 61% of Americans support legalizing marijuana. The number is...
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April 28, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. In her new tell-all book, Caitlyn Jenner said she knew that O.J. Simpson was guilty. When told of the comment, O.J., who has been in jail for the past ten years, said, “Bruce did what!?!” 2....
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July 18, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. A pornography website is now allowing customers to use dick pics as passwords. And, if that trend catches on, it means some time in the future “Because I’m checking my bank balance” could be a...
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August 9, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. Kylie Jenner recently admitted that she doesn’t know who she is since becoming famous saying, “I think I lost a lot of parts of myself.” “You think you lost parts of yourself,” said Caitlyn Jenner....
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October 6, 2017 – Monologue Jokes
1. Historians in France have discovered what they believe is a nude sketch of the Mona Lisa. Even crazier, they also found a sex tape: 2. Arthur Janov, a psychotherapist known for developing primal...
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